We worked alongside each other almost everyday once we met - We were inseparable or so it was said by those whom observed us labouring, though I myself nor did he ever hear them once say it being too consumed in our ventures with the various machinery.
I always knew there was something different about our bond, though I always denied it since I couldn't quite place my finger on it. In fact - I fought with the thoughts multiple times, though emotions were always a sort of... foreign concept to me.
What seemed like days was really weeks and what seemed like a friendship of years was in reality only months. It was almost... uncanny how well we got along - though I suppose it shouldn't have been with all the common interests we held.
However, it seems as though my mind and myself won't ever fully reconcile with my withheld thoughts and my obvious denial. I can still remember it as if it were yesterday - the carping thoughts that prodded at my mind. The way every once in a while my stomach or chest would do an odd flip as I zoned out for a split second as he worked, shaking my head to quickly get back to the task at hand as he would always ask me a vital question in these moments about mechanics at hand.
Though at first I never knew what it meant - why my body would act this way. Why it was such a weird tingling sensation inside that somehow made me feel almost... euphoric? Yes, that would be the correct word. It wasn't ever a bad feeling it was always something that made you feel as though you were on the edge of your seat but ready to take the jump - ready for that little blip that would escape from your lips as you took the plunge.
Although, as I realized what my feelings could have possibly been I simply denied them and fought back with intellect.
I couldn't possibly. I would argue.
I couldn't possibly like him that way. I would continue to banter.
Each day was the same and each day got worse as I continued to shake my head free of such thoughts.
I never spoke a word. Too afraid to - too terrified and quite simply refused to as I was in a complete disavowal.
However when I had finally realized those feelings completely it was then that it was too late. For it was after the event which brought an end to our companionship - however not by choice.
It was when things had finally settled down that I decided I had to tell him somehow.
I gathered supplies that I needed a simple blue helium filled balloon and a black permanent marker. In retrospect I probably should have chose a different color of balloon however blue seemed fitting as it was strangely enough the exact shade of his hair.
I walked along until I reached the outskirts of the city and took a deep breath as I uncapped the marker beginning to scribble upon the front of the balloon - ultimately making it more formal than was really needed;
Though you may be lost physically - Atmospheres reach beyond dimensions.
I sighed as I flipped the ballon to its' 'clean' side as I without any hesitation scribbled my finishing remark;
I realize... There was more than simple kizuna.
With that I knew I was done, however I still re-read the writing multiple times as if I were checking for grammatical errors although I knew that didn't matter. I was simply hesitating because that was the hardest part - releasing the balloon. In a way - I thought it would be closure, but I don't think I'll ever truly forgive myself for never succumbing to those feelings.
Those feelings... That I always so desperately denied having.